Can I Attend A Strangers Wedding At A Registers Office

It'south undeniable that the worst parts of wedding planning are deciding the guest list, chasing RSVPs and organising the seating chart.

As much as we honey our friends and family, there's always that tiny nagging thought that it would be a heck of a lot less stressful if you lot didn't have them there.

An increasing number of engaged couples are doing just that – getting married without anyone they know invited and request consummate strangers to be witnesses at their wedding.

The reasons are various: elopement, family politics, a hush-hush wedding. But what is information technology really similar to have strangers witness the well-nigh important vows you'll ever make? Why would any couple do it? Is information technology awkward for the witnesses?

On a drizzly day in February, Hitched's editorial team – myself and editor Sarah – headed to Hammersmith Boondocks Hall to find out.

Jo and Ste's Story

Joanne Knowles and Steven Forest at their registry office wedding. Epitome: Anneli Marinovich

Joanne Knowles and Steven Wood'due south reason for marrying with strangers as their witnesses was actually incredibly simple. In April, they'd exist having a big wedding in Thailand which both sides of family were flying over for, and they needed to complete the legal part beforehand.

"We found this older couple online who quoted united states £180 to be our witnesses for the day and I was not paying that!" explains Jo.

"And my fiancé found a guy on Gumtree who was willing to do it for free, but he kept getting the date of the wedding wrong.

"I planned to just pull people off the street to exist our witnesses, merely Ste was worried that we would terminate upwards with no one – so we compromised. "

We constitute this older couple online who quoted us £180 to be our witnesses for the day and I was not paying that!

The compromise Jo, xxx, from Australia, and her fiancé Ste, 29, from Leeds, agreed was to put out a plea on the Hitched forum asking if anyone was free to be witnesses at their registry part wedding a calendar month later.

"Nosotros wanted information technology to be our day. We didn't want loads of people sending us letters on the day – which obviously is a really lovely gesture – just we simply wanted it to but be us, so that was principal driver. And then, another reason behind non having people nosotros knew there was, if you have someone there and you don't take someone else, that's always going to crusade conflict," Jo explained. "Our parents however don't know that we did it however."

Epitome: Anneli Marinovich

We run across them at The Hampshire Sus scrofa pub in Hammersmith an hour before their boondocks hall slot to steady everyone's nerves with a drink and for the obligatory getting to know each other. Jo and Ste met in her native Australia on Melbourne Cup Day 2013. "It was a Tuesday," remembers Jo.

Tipsy afterward an evening watching a football match, Ste proposed – for the beginning time – in 2015 in their chamber at habitation.

I didn't believe him so I was laughing, and then he goes, 'I recall I should tell my mum.' And I'g like, 'Oh, that proposal was real?'

"I didn't believe him so I was laughing about it with him, and and so he goes, 'I think I should tell my mum.' And I'm like, 'Oh, that was existent?'

The 2nd proposal – "the proposal he likes to tell people" – was in August 2018.

"We practise date nights every month, and he took me to see a play, Witness For The Prosecution, and then we went to The Ivy for lunch. We were just chilling out and then he put the band on the table. He didn't get down on i knee similar the showtime fourth dimension, he just put information technology on the tabular array," says Jo.

Hitched's Helen and Sarah with the happy couple and their hymeneals certificate. Image: Anneli Marinovich

Jo and Ste knew what wedding ceremony they wanted. With guests coming from Australia and the Britain, they'd decided to marry in the center at the Silavadee Resort in Koh Samui, Thailand. They had actually already sent out invites eight months before Ste'south second proposal to give their guests lots of fourth dimension to salvage upward – and for Jo's Grandma to go her first passport.

The registrar asked if nosotros knew whatsoever reason why the couple couldn't marry and all I could think was, 'I don't fifty-fifty know their surnames!'

It was just a swift 20 infinitesimal ceremony in the (actually very atmospheric) registry office in Hammersmith to be pronounced human being and wife. Jo and Ste went in ahead to encounter the registrar before we joined them to witness the vows. I wondered if it would experience like intruding on an intimate, individual moment. After all, there was an awkward moment where the registrar asked if we knew any reason why the couple couldn't ally and all I could remember was, "I don't even know their surnames!"

Instead it felt like a huge privilege to exist in the presence of two people completely in love and let in on their secret. Despite having met them only an hour before, I had a jaw-achingly big smile and tears rolling down my face as they said "I do". Somehow it felt fifty-fifty more than personal to witness than if they'd been my best friends.

It felt like a huge privilege to exist in the presence of two people completely in honey and let in on their cloak-and-dagger. Somehow information technology felt even more personal to witness than if they'd been my all-time friends.

And then we left them to a enjoy a celebratory pub crawl along the Thames. Information technology's kind of surreal to have been function of one of the almost memorable days of their life – and and then return back to piece of work and never see those people over again.

Their Thailand ceremony at Silavadee, Koh Samui. Image: Eak Samui

Jo and Ste jetted off in Apr to Koh Samui for their "existent" wedding: a stunning, beachside anniversary with 54 guests; Jo in a flowing embroidered, strapless gown; Ste in charcoal greyness tails; pampas grass and white roses lining the beach and bouquets.

Speaking to Jo afterwards their Thailand nuptials, I wanted to know if she was glad that they had a secret nuptials outset, without any of their friends or family unit knowing.

I would definitely recommend having your own day for the legal ceremony. It was such a good conclusion for us to accept that, considering otherwise we wouldn't accept been able to feel what information technology actually feels like to be newly married with each other.

"I would definitely recommend having your own twenty-four hours for the legal ceremony. It was such a good decision for united states to take that, because otherwise we wouldn't have been able to experience what it actually feels like to be newly married with each other.

"In Thailand, equally soon as the ceremony was done, you go off and you lot take the pictures and everything just happens, and it flows then smashing, but you never get to experience just like: 'Nosotros're married.' After the legal ceremony, when we were in one of the pubs, nosotros were like, 'That's happened, this is real now, we're really married.'

Prototype: Eak Samui

"Information technology hits yous suddenly merely not in a bad fashion. It's just being able to sit back and reflect on, 'OK, then this has just happened to us, and this is how we can savor that moment'. Whereas at the ceremony with all your family and friends, it removes that emotion betwixt the two of you, to exist able to sit dorsum and be able to fully digest everything that'south happened."

When y'all're being pulled in every which management and need to speak to every guest, information technology'due south that alone time that couples often regret not prioritising.

"I'thou glad that we were able to accept the actual day for us because it meant that I didn't feel that I missed that connexion with him on the day. We'd already had that fourth dimension in secret without anyone else knowing," Jo agrees.

Image: Eak Samui

Did it change how they felt at the Thailand wedding ceremony, knowing the legal function was out the mode?

"It definitely changed it," says Jo. "It made it, I don't want to say less emotional because it was however emotional and there was a part during his vows where I knew I was going to cry, but when we were physically walking down the aisle I had no sweaty palms. It made me able to command my emotions a little flake more."

When we were physically walking downward the aisle I had no sweaty palms. Knowing we were already married made me able to control my emotions a little bit more.

None of their friends even had an inkling, it turned out, until Ste was tricked into spilling the beans by Jo'due south best friends at the reception.

"I kept thinking I'm going to exist in then much problem considering I hadn't told my mum, I hadn't told my sisters. Ste explained that they were leading up to it, request, 'You oasis't had the legal wedding ceremony, have you? Similar, this isn't legal in Australia or the UK?' And Ste said we'd already done it separately because he idea I'd told them. I experience bad because I still haven't told my mum," Jo confesses.

Image: Eak Samui

Anyone who has a secret wedding knows the risk is to upset your loved ones when they notice out, but Jo and Ste had nothing to worry virtually.

"My maid of honour was really absurd with it. When I offered to tell her all the intricate details about it, she said, 'No, you lot only have that mean solar day.'"

Truthfully, Jo and Ste found they had then many more than important things on their heed at the Thailand nuptials as it was the beginning time their families had ever met.

"The force per unit area of our families coming together and the pressure of people enjoying themselves was higher than the pressure of the wedding. I guess I wouldn't recommend a destination wedding unless y'all take to because it'southward a lot on the people that come," she admits.

It'due south a very personal decision for every couple, and 1 that can't be taken lightly. When families find out they haven't been invited information technology can cause rifts that have a while to heal – although, for the couple, having that special time together can transform their feel of their wedding ceremony solar day. For the strangers that witness it, it's truly a moment you won't forget.

One very important affair that comes out of my grab-up with Jo is that even if you tell a pub in Hammersmith you've just got secretly married and show them the certificate, they still won't requite y'all a free potable. If that's the biggest downside, it'due south probably worth at least considering.